O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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