Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
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I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
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I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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