Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
