It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize