I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
