Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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