Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
