My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
