mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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