He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
