i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
