We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
