Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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