the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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