I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
