Quick, to the slutcave!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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