And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
