I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
