im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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