I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
