Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
