Just cropdusted the office
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
