she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
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