proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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