i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
