Is it because I queefed?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
