Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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