You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
