I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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