He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
