Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
