I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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