Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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