She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize