Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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