I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
