I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
