my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I supernannyed him into submission
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
