Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
