Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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