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I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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