is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
