apparently the secret to your success is patron
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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