We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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