wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
