Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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