Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Mom said you looked used
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
my penis made a compromise with my morals
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
