Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
