don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
