i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize