If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
