Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
