is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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