Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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