Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
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That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
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Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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