when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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