Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
