Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
