Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
