All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
