In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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