no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
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Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
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well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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