Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
