I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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