And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
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She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
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I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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