i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
