the condom got lost in my hair
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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