I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
