My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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